Yesterday, our family experienced something that left my heart unsettled—and brought back memories of why I’ve spent my career at Parent Teacher Home Visits fighting for trusting, affirming relationships between families and schools. 

My grandson started middle school this week. He is the kind of child you can’t help but love—kind, handsome, a swirl of his parents’ beautiful Black and Mexican heritage. And it’s just his mom—my daughter—and me, his abuela, who show up at school meetings, help with homework, and cheer him on through life’s ups and downs. 

On Day 1, his teacher called home—not to welcome the family, share a story, or ask about hopes and dreams. She called to say he hadn’t turned in his classwork. That’s it. One phone call, and we’re summoned to school to address a behavior issue before the teacher even double-checks her own records. 

We went, of course. My daughter was outraged. I was disappointed, but I tagged along. And as we waited for answers, we both remembered all the reasons families so often feel mistrusted in schools. My grandson kept insisting, “I did the work.” Finally, after much scolding and searching, the teacher discovered her own mistake— he had completed everything. 

Let me be real. What shocked me the most wasn’t just the error, but the assumption that led to it. The way she looked at us—two Mexican women where, perhaps, she expected to see someone else. The rush to assume a Black boy hadn’t done his work. The first contact with our family was deficit-focused, not relationship-focused. And it hurt. 

The First Contact Sets the Tone 

Research confirms what families like mine have long known: The first contact between a teacher and a family is everything. Too often, it starts with what’s missing, what’s gone wrong, or what the child hasn’t done. The message, subtly or not, is that the teacher is watching for problems—and it shapes every interaction that follows. 

Deficit mindsets, especially when intersecting with race and culture, trigger unconscious biases in even the most well-intentioned educators. When teachers expect less from Black and Brown students, or reach for the phone first thing to report a problem, students internalize those expectations. Some begin to doubt themselves. Others, like my grandson, feel hurt and angry—the foundation for trust crumbling before it’s even built 

Relationships Before Rules 

Our work at Parent Teacher Home Visits is rooted in flipping this script—moving away from discipline-first approaches to relationship-first engagements. Imagine if, instead of a negative phone call, my grandson’s teacher had reached out just to introduce herself and ask about our hopes for his school year. Imagine if her first question was, “What do you most want for him this year?” Or, “How can I support your child to feel safe, seen, and successful here?” 

When a teacher’s first outreach is about partnership and curiosity, families open up. The door to true collaboration swings open. Study after study shows that when teachers start the conversation by asking about strengths, dreams, and what makes each child unique, attendance improves, behavior issues drop, and student achievement goes up. Trust doesn’t come from focusing on what’s missing, but on what’s possible together. 

Home Visits Build Trust—and Break Down Bias 

This is why we advocate for home visits, especially at the start of the year. Voluntary, relational home visits let teachers see students in the fullness of their family and community, not through the narrow lens of academic compliance or discipline. During a home visit, teachers and families become partners, not adversaries. Bias loses its hold when relationships are real, honest, and rooted in mutual trust. 

You don’t even have to visit every home to shift the culture. Schools that commit to relationship-based practices—where first contacts are positive and universal, where strengths and stories come before spreadsheets and scores—see gains for all students, not just those whose families participate. When trust is the foundation, then and only then do we see attendance, achievement, and engagement reach new heights. 

What Educators Can Do 

• Make your first communication home positive. Introduce yourself, share something you’ve already noticed about the student, and invite families to tell you about their hopes and dreams.  

• Examine your own assumptions, especially about Black and Brown boys. Research shows that implicit bias can greatly influence how teachers interpret behavior and performance—even when they don’t mean to.  

• Advocate for relationship-building approaches like home visits, structuring your school’s communication so every family is seen for its strengths.  

• Remember: The story you tell a family about their child on Day 1 will echo all year long. Make it a story of partnership, possibility, and trust. 

For our family, what could have been a beginning filled with joy and promise became a lesson in why this work remains so urgent. At PTHV, we believe every child—and every family—deserves a first call that fuels confidence, not shame. That’s how you build a school, and a community, where every student belongs. 

Yesenia Ramirez is Co-founder and Senior Advisor of Parent Teacher Home Visits.